Woody Allen
From Wikiquote Jump to: navigation, search People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose.Woody Allen (born Allen Stewart Königsberg, 1935-12-01) is an American film director, writer, musician, actor and comedian.
- See also: Woody Allen films
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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer. Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.- Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
- What's New, Pussycat? (1965)
- I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.
- Take the Money and Run (1969)
- Allen: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?
Woman: Yes, it is.
Allen: What does it say to you?
Woman: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless, bleak straitjacket in a black, absurd cosmos.
Allen: What are you doing Saturday night?
Woman: Committing suicide.
Allen: What about Friday night?
- Play It Again, Sam (1972)
- To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- Stardust Memories (1980)
- Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
- A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (1982)
- Millions of books written on every conceivable subject by all these great minds and in the end, none of them knows anything more about the big questions of life than I do ... I read Socrates. This guy knocked off little Greek boys. What the Hell's he got to teach me? And Nietzsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're gonna live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. It's not worth it. And Freud, another great pessimist. I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar. Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
- Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
- What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
- Radio Days (1987)
- I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
- Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)
- We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from — I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from.
- Small Time Crooks (2001)
- I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.
- The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose.
- Match Point (2005)
- As a filmmaker, I'm not interested in 9/11 [...] it's too small, history overwhelms it. The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other. Political questions, if you go back thousands of years, are ephemeral, not important. History is the same thing over and over again.
- Interview in Der Spiegel, 2005-06-20 (as quoted by the New York Post) [1]
- I have no apprehension whatsoever. I've been through this so many times. And I found that one way or the other, your life doesn't change at all. Which is sad, in a way. Because the people love your film... nothing great happens. And people hate your film... nothing terrible happens. Many years ago, I would... I would... a film of mine would open, and it would get great reviews, and I would go down and look at the movie theater. There'd be a line around the block. And when a film is reviled, you open a film and people say "Oh, it's the stupidest thing, it's the worst movie." You think: oh, nobody's going to ever speak to you again. But, it doesn't happen. Nobody cares. You know, they read it and they say "Oh, they hated your film." You care, at the time. But they don't. Nobody else cares. They're not interested. They've got their own lives, and their own problems, and their own shadows on their lungs, and their x-rays. And, you know, they've got their own stuff they're dealing with.... So, I'm just never nervous about it.
Bananas (1971)
- Fielding Mellish: You busy tonight? Norma: Some old friends are coming over. We're gonna show some pornographic movies. Fielding Mellish: You need an usher?
- Nancy: Have you ever been to Denmark? Fielding Mellish: I've been...yes, to the Vatican. Nancy: The Vatican? The Vatican is in Rome. Fielding Mellish: Well, they were doing so well in Rome that they opened one in Denmark.
- I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
- I remember when I was a little boy, I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
- Nancy: You're immature, Fielding! Fielding Mellish: How am I immature? Nancy: Well, emotionally, sexually and intellectually. Fielding Mellish: Yeah, but what other ways?
- Prosecutor: Tell the court why you think he is a traitor to this country. Miss America: I think Mr. Mellish is a traitor to this country because his views are different from the views of the president and others of his kind. Differences of opinion should be tolerated, but not when they're too different. Then he becomes a subversive mother.
- Fielding Mellish: I object, Your Honor! This trial is a travesty! It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham! I call a mistrial Your Honor! Do you realize there is not one homosexual in the jury? Judge: Yes there is! Fielding Mellish: Really? Which one? Is it that big guy on left?
Getting Even (1971)
- I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- "Conversations with Helmholtz"
My Philosophy
- Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
- It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune.
- Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.
- Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) (1972)
- Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
- They called me mad... But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
- When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
Sleeper (1973)
- My brain: it's my second favorite organ.
- Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
- I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.
- Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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lfpress.com
Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:51:40 GMT+00:00
London Free Press The Woody Allens play Saturday night at the London Music Club in a fundraiser to help mental health care for young people. The band's nod to Woody Allen is ...
youtube.com
Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:09:48 PDT
Classic scene from Woody Allen's Sleeper when he's fitted for a new suit by robot jewish tailors! ... Woody Allen Sleeper Jewish Tailor ... youtube.com.
india-server.com
unknown
Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:01:43 GM
The French First Lady and former model, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy is all set to spread the magic of her persona on screen with . Woody Allen's. new project, 'Midnight in Paris'.
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